One year ago our lives were forever changed. Today marks the day when we heard the words, "your daughter has a tumor". In some ways I can't believe a year has gone by. In other ways it feels like just yesterday. The details of those first few hours are so vivid in my mind. These are pictures that Dave took on his phone exactly one year ago today, as we waited in the hospital room to hear the results of Sarah's MRI.
I have spent time the last week (as I often do) reading all the scripture verses that people sent me during that time as well as the blog entries Dave and I made. My emotions are all over the map, but I think that is normal. Not a day goes by that I am not sad for my girlie as I watch her endure all that she does. BUT, as I read our blog, I am also freshly aware of God's nearness to us during that time as well. Re-reading all those entries really has encouraged my soul. Seeing all the prayers that God answered in those first few weeks is really amazing. As time goes by, and days continue to be emotionally and physically hard, I can be discouraged that the future is uncertain. But when I take time to focus on the truth of God's word, and all that He has already done, it brings encouragement to my soul. One song in particular has taken on new meaning to me as well.
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
is laid for your faith in his excellent word!
What more can he say than to you he hath said,
to you that for refuge to Jesus have fled?
"Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed!
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
the rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
for I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
"When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
my grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
the flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.
"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
that soul, though all hell shall endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no, never, no, never forsake."
This past year has drawn us closer to the Lord and developed a dependence on Him like I've never known. Each day is a fight for faith...but each day, His mercy is new to me. Not only has my relationship with the Lord deepened, but His church has become more precious to me as well. So many people have made sacrifices of time and money to care for our family, both practically and spiritually. These people truly represent the love of God in tangible ways.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention what this trial has done for our marriage and our family. There have been many nights during this last year where Dave has listened to my tears. He has been able to grieve with me while speaking truth that I need to hear. We discussed early on how important communication was going to be. We had no idea how true that was. I am so grateful for Dave and how he has allowed me to tell him whatever I am feeling. I have never felt like he didn't understand. Even when my thoughts or feelings don't make sense he just holds me and lets me cry. I am so grateful to be walking this road with him by my side.
The other kids- they are amazing. They have learned to be so compassionate and patient with their little sister. They have had to learn to be others focused because of the many sacrifices they have had to make. Having to go from home schooling to private school, many more babysitters, not being able to go places because of germs...all this with very little complaining. The other three kids joyfully respond when we tell them we can't do something because of Sarah. How grateful I am to watch them love their sister. They really seem to understand the seriousness of her cancer and how it has changed our lives.
Hebrews 10:23- Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
The sorrow that humbles us and drives us closer to God is a blessing and a positive gain.- JC Ryle
On this day, as we look back on the last year, we see Sarah doing so much better in many ways. We continue to pray for healing for Sarah in whatever way God chooses.
